Dancing in the streets

The 100 block street party is on tomorrow and I'm up looking for just the right ideas. I just downloaded some face painting ideas to add to the party feel, also some good Bulgarian eats are in order. Trying to get some pop up tents to make sure we don't get rained out, but it'll all be great. I'm stoked and quite looking forward to it. Yeah, another distraction.

'nuf bitchin'

I just noticed that the last couple of posts have been a wee bit on the negative side of things and this needs to be rectified this instant. From now on only good stuff (until something comes up that pisses me off ;)

My garden looks great. My treadmill sits there looking at me longingly. I have heard the faint siren call of the P90X discs (baby version of course) and I just read a post from a fellow Weghead who just pulled off a 60km road ride with a 1500ft elevation gain - maybe it's time to saddle up the old pony and check out Athabasca Falls - very very slowly. I'll report which one of those activities wins. I am without childcare and hubby is off to another bike race this weekend, so I think it might be one of the first two in the immediate future.

Peace out friends.

First holiday in swimwear - ughhh/ yeah / ughhh

Love being away from home. Not complaining about my life at home, but being in the same place day in and day out where the proverbial poo hit the proverbial fan, and where I've been trying to clean up said fan, gets a little tiring and somewhat depressing from time to time (rarely but it does happen to the best of us).

I was super stoked to get away and go on vacation, but (again I'm using the word 'but' - I don't like it when people are giving me that phraseology) but this environment of beach and sun and bathing suits is doing a number on my brain. Again, don't get me wrong, I'm super happy to be here and be on holidays, but I can't get away from the reality of what the drugs have done to me in the last year and some. I can't hide in my baggy clothes, and I've been quite stubborn about buying a bunch of new 'phat' (i.e. cool for big girl) clothes, so I'm feeling a little (lot) sausagee, so I caved in and bought a size 12 one piece bathing suit with a little skirty thing to hide all the nastiness. A lot of reflective surfaces here too. Yay (a very sarcastic yay). My new chemo hair is quite lovely too - I'm shocked Holywood hasn't picked up the look yet.

Speaking of hair, I had a great haircut by a dude here in Penticton about six years ago, so I tried to find him. Went to his old place, but it's been sold, and they knew of him, but not his name or where he works. They thought maybe in Summerland. So I called every hairdresser in Summerland to find him and alas, I did. However he is booked until Saturday and can't fit me in. We're leaving Friday. He said he'd call me if he had a cancellation but I'm loosing hope with each passing day. His name is James and his place is called James on Kelly.... if you're ever in the area. I think I might be out of luck though. Probably for the best as I was kinda looking for a miracle, and those are hard to come by these days.

I was just telling Brian that this might sound vain, but all my whining and complaining comes from a different place than vanity. I've been me, the me I know inside and have known for the first 43 years of my life, and this new version (one I don't particularly like to see) is quite shocking to see and be reminded of...it lives on the outside and is the one everyone outside my body sees, and I honestly am surprised every time I see a reflection of myself and see a complete stranger looking back. I'm sure other people feel this way when life throws them a curve and their 'shell' changes, but I think because it happened so quickly might be why it's freaking me out like it is. Everytime I meet someone I want to tell them that the person they are talking to is not the person I think they are talking to, but it's pointless and absurd and my own private little battle.

Oh how things can change

So before all of this started I considered myself one of the healthier people on the planet - statistically speaking. Now I'm uninsurable. Aint that great? We are booking a holiday to the States in September - one last hurrah before going back to work. I haven't really had a significant getaway from this experience, and I am so looking forward to not being  here where it's all happening and being somewhere with palm trees. So now I have to fill out all of these forms to get insurance, and once they're filled out I get told in a not very nice way that not only will they not insure me for any hospital stay related to my current condition (which I would have gladly paid more for, and am certain wont happen anyways because it takes a while for the shit to kick in) but they wont insure me for baggage or trip cancellation or interruption or in case I get hit by a car or have a completely unrelated accident. Uggghhhh! That was one of those little things that set me off. It really bummed me out because for a couple of days there it seemed like it would put a kaibosh on the whole family vacation plan. It also gave me a little face slap about where I now stand in society. That sucks!

And when I feel that way I always go back to being mad about being betrayed by our government health care system for pushing us all to get that stupid H1N1 shot. The people who are supposed to keep us safe and healthy transformed me from being a very healthy, strong, fit woman and mom to a burden on our healthcare system, uninsurable, round, pudgy, balding Wegener's patient.

There is a group trying to get Canada on board with the other G8 countires for compensating people harmed by vaccines. The premise is that there will always be people who will get adverse reactions from vaccines but we all do it for the greater good of the all so they should be compensated. Russia and Canada are the only ones who are still in the dark ages. Here's the working paper: http://www.munkschool.utoronto.ca/assets/files/Publications/keelan_workingpaper_feb2011.pdf

Also some other research to support my theory on the cause of my disease...

The adjuvant? Squalene.
According to Meryl Nass, M.D., an authority on the anthrax vaccine,

“A novel feature of the two H1N1 vaccines being developed by companies Novartis and GlaxoSmithKline is the addition of squalene-containing adjuvants to boost immunogenicity and dramatically reduce the amount of viral antigen needed. This translates to much faster production of desired vaccine quantities.”[v]

Novartis’s proprietary squalene adjuvant for their H1N1 vaccine is MF59. Glaxo’s is ASO3. MF59 has yet to be approved by the FDA for use in any U.S. vaccine, despite its history of use in other countries.

Per Dr. Nass, there are only three vaccines in existence using an approved squalene adjuvant. None of the three are approved for use in the U.S.
What Squalene Does to Rats

Oil-based vaccination adjuvants like squalene have been proved to generate concentrated, unremitting immune responses over long periods of time.[vi]

A 2000 study published in the American Journal of Pathology demonstrated a single injection of the adjuvant squalene into rats triggered “chronic, immune-mediated joint-specific inflammation,” also known as rheumatoid arthritis.[vii]

The researchers concluded the study raised questions about the role of adjuvants in chronic inflammatory diseases.

What Squalene Does to Humans

Your immune system recognizes squalene as an oil molecule native to your body. It is found throughout your nervous system and brain. In fact, you can consume squalene in olive oil and not only will your immune system recognize it, you will also reap the benefits of its antioxidant properties.

The difference between “good” and “bad” squalene is the route by which it enters your body. Injection is an abnormal route of entry which incites your immune system to attack all the squalene in your body, not just the vaccine adjuvant.

Your immune system will attempt to destroy the molecule wherever it finds it, including in places where it occurs naturally, and where it is vital to the health of your nervous system.[viii]

Gulf War veterans with Gulf War Syndrome (GWS) received anthrax vaccines which contained squalene.[ix] MF59 (the Novartis squalene adjuvant) was an unapproved ingredient in experimental anthrax vaccines and has since been linked to the devastating autoimmune diseases suffered by countless Gulf War vets.[x]

The Department of Defense made every attempt to deny that squalene was indeed an added contaminant in the anthrax vaccine administered to Persian Gulf war military personnel – deployed and non-deployed – as well as participants in the more recent Anthrax Vaccine Immunization Program (AVIP).

However, the FDA discovered the presence of squalene in certain lots of AVIP product. A test was developed to detect anti-squalene antibodies in GWS patients, and a clear link was established between the contaminated product and all the GWS sufferers who had been injected with the vaccine containing squalene.

A study conducted at Tulane Medical School and published in the February 2000 issue of Experimental Molecular Pathology included these stunning statistics:

“ … the substantial majority (95%) of overtly ill deployed GWS patients had antibodies to squalene. All (100%) GWS patients immunized for service in Desert Shield/Desert Storm who did not deploy, but had the same signs and symptoms as those who did deploy, had antibodies to squalene.

In contrast, none (0%) of the deployed Persian Gulf veterans not showing signs and symptoms of GWS have antibodies to squalene. Neither patients with idiopathic autoimmune disease nor healthy controls had detectable serum antibodies to squalene. The majority of symptomatic GWS patients had serum antibodies to squalene.”[xi]

According to Dr. Viera Scheibner, Ph.D., a former principle research scientist for the government of Australia:

“… this adjuvant [squalene] contributed to the cascade of reactions called “Gulf War Syndrome,” documented in the soldiers involved in the Gulf War.

The symptoms they developed included arthritis, fibromyalgia, lymphadenopathy, rashes, photosensitive rashes, malar rashes, chronic fatigue, chronic headaches, abnormal body hair loss, non-healing skin lesions, aphthous ulcers, dizziness, weakness, memory loss, seizures, mood changes, neuropsychiatric problems, anti-thyroid effects, anaemia, elevated ESR (erythrocyte sedimentation rate), systemic lupus erythematosus, multiple sclerosis, ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), Raynaud’s phenomenon, Sjorgren’s syndrome, chronic diarrhoea, night sweats and low-grade fevers.”[xii]